One Year Ago Today……
August 1, 2008
One year ago today, I sat holding her while she feed from my body.
One year ago today, was the last time I held her like an infant.
One year ago today, she slept with me and nursed off and on all night long.
One year ago today, I was sad that it was over and I would never nurse another baby again.
One year ago today, I was the last time I saw my friend Lori. We went to see a local play Oliver and had the best time.
One year ago today, I was upset that I would get home to late to nurse her.
One year ago today, I was still fielding questions about when I would stop nursing.
One year ago today, my baby grew up with one night out with a friend.
Nursing my kids was something I knew I would do when I was pregnant. My son was such a natural. He was my first and he took to it like a champ. I nursed him for about 8 months which was as long as he would allow. Then I pumped for another 4 until he was 1.
My daughter on the other hand, was not a natural and because she gave me so much resistance, I felt unsupported by the people in my life for the first 4 days of her life. She was hungry and would not latch on. I finally got in touch with Le Leche and through their support (1 phone call), I got the support I needed to relax and try again and it worked. When she finally got it, it was so easy.
I never felt that it was a job, or a commitment, annoying, hard, it just worked. Having a 23 month old be patient enough to watch me nurse ALL DAY is crazy too. Everyone just did their part and it was a piece of cake. In fact. I loved it. It relaxed me and when it finally was over I realized it was the only time I sat down. On the 3rd day after weaning I realized I NEVER sat down during the day. Nursing forced me to sit and just be! Something a mom with a colicky newborn and a late talking 23 month old needed very badly.
I will never forget how much I loved holding you and smelling you as you nursed. I used to take my hand and trace your face and play with your hair as you played with my fingers. Your brother used to come over and say, “baby eat” whenever you were nursing. He didn’t say much but he did tell us when you were crying and when you needed to eat.
You used to call it “all done” which I found so cute. You would come up and ask for all done which meant you wanted to be nursed. I guess me asking if you were all done was a bit confusing.
When we were done I was actually very surprised at how easy it was. You asked for it the next night and I said, “You don’t need it.” You probably only asked for it 3 times. On the 4th night you cried for it but I felt that enough nights had gone by and that you were probably more tired than wanting to nurse. Honestly, if you had cried and begged for it on the next evening after missing the first time I would have caved in.
I love you baby and miss our time together but I think our bond more than makes up for that loss of closeness.
God bless you baby. You are everything Mommy wished for and God intended.